My mom’s story in her words

I am thankful to the iss for publishing my story. I wrote my story so that i could also share my unique experience with my mother with the readers of iss. But my mom was not aware of my publishing our story to the public. When she came to know about it she became very upset with me. She said that she did not want others to know about us like this. I also felt bad about it and thought that it was inappropriate to hurt her feelings. I stopped writing again. But a lot of fan mails kept on coming urging me to write further. However i still decided that i would not write anything without mom’s consent.

One day i showed her the fan mails that i received from my readers. She was quite excited to see the response that i got from my readers. Then i asked her whether she wants to share her feelings as well about our relationship. She was surprised at my suggestion as she had never attempted to write anything for publication. But she did not refuse. I promised to help her if she wanted to write. After a lot of persuasion from me she wrote briefly about our relationship. Although her writing is not of very high literary standard, it still reflects her emotions and feelings. I am reproducing bellow whatever she had written with a little bit of editing.

“my name is mona. I am from a middle class family. I got married when i was only 15 years old. My husband worked in a private company and we were having a good life. My son raj was born after 1 year of our marriage. We were both so happy to have him. But god was having some other plans. When raj was 10 years old, he got a high paying job in saudi arabia where it was not permitted to bring his wife along with him. He left for his new job leaving me completely alone with raj. He used to send money for us. But one day he told me over phone that he had to marry a arabian girl there and convert to islam to stay and do business in that country. It was terrible news for me and i was completely broken down. I refused to receive any money from him again and our relationship had literally come to a halt. I had no option but to look for a job. I got a clerical job in a farm and with much difficulty raised raj. It was god’s blessing that raj could complete his studies and could get a job in a good company. Raj has always been a very good son. He very understands and always stood beside me in every situation. I have always regarded him as a very good friend of mine. I have discussed all matters openly with him and we had developed very good intimacy. He was very free with me and discussed everything with me. I always felt that raj feels for me more that a son feels for his mother. He always looked for my company in every activity like shopping, going for a movie, jogging etc. I always felt like being younger than my actual age staying with him. He was always there to console me when i was distressed and feeling low. He was the reason behind my existence. I was so much emotionally depended on him that i started to miss him badly when he was not around. But never in my dreams had i thought that i would be physically attracted to him. He was still the little boy in my mind whom i loved so much.

When raj had gone for a one month’s training to bangalore, it was the toughest time to live for me. I felt being left alone. The memories of my husband leaving me for another girl kept on shaking me to my nerves. I could not eat and sleep properly for the entire month and felt almost like losing my mental equilibrium. I was just waiting to receive his phone calls and when he did not call i felt so miserable. At that point of time i felt that i could not live without raj being beside me. I felt that raj was also missing me and our conversations mostly ended up with tears in our eyes. We chatted over phone like two lovers. I knew that he was also eager to meet me as soon as possible. Slowly but surely i came to realise that my heart and my body wants raj more than like a mom wants her son. I knew these feelings were not proper, but my desire for my son kept on growing day by day.

When he returned home, for some time i completely forgot that he was my grown up son. I hugged and kissed him like a passionate lover meeting her beloved after a long time. I was totally out of sense that night and ended up sleeping naked with him in bed. Although we had not yet started the ‘unthinkable’ between a mother and a son, yet we had already crossed the borders. It was the first time for him that he came to such a close contact with a female body and for me it had been after decades that i had felt the warmth of a male body. I tried to control my emotions so that we don’t progress any further, but i could not afford to make him upset with me. I was feeling torn between the feeling of plunging into an unforgivable sin and a feeling that was making me happy as a woman from the core. I had stopped obliging to my feelings for men a long time back. But my closeness to my own son again ignited my mind and body to such feelings. It was a long struggle in my mind and finally i decided that if i was doing something that was making both me and my son happy, it cannot be bad. I made up my mind that i would not think much and accept the situation as it comes. I made it a priority that my son should be happy at all cost because i love him so much. It has been a long time since i have been involved with my son. The feeling of committing an unforgivable sin is no longer there in my mind. We are both happy and enjoying life. However i wished that no one else ever come to know about our secret personal life. But raj has shown me in the internet that there are many mom son couples like us and they openly share their relationship with likeminded people. I decided to write because raj said he wanted me to write. I can do anything for him. He is the person for whom i am living my life.’